dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
