Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
