apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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