he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
