Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
