After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
