He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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