fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
