nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
