WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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