I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish i was in the wii world.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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