puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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