I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
