theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
