Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
