Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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