My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
