I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
