I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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