he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
