Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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