party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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