I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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