my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's blow job season.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
