You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
