my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
