yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
