you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
