i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
