What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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