Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
