Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
