i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
