broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
