she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
