drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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