I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
