Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
