Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
