Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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