Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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