I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just had sex on a roof
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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