hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
