I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
we're so committed to being not committed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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