Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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