It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
