i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
