He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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