is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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