I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
