I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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