Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
