i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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