hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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