I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
