you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Randomize
