New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
