wanna go halves on a baby?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
